


The Pursuit of Happiness

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Drama, F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 17:25:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2436869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So often we think we can change a man or compromise ourselves to fit into his parameters and it explodes in our faces. I don’t want to change you, Hotch, I love you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Pursuit of Happiness

“How much do we know about each other?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“How much do we know about each other, Hotch?”

 

“What time is it?”

 

“I don't know.”

 

“Well I can guarantee it’s late, as I was sound asleep.” He replied.

 

“Am I disturbing you?”

 

With Emily’s hormones recently, her fiancée knew that was a loaded question. He pulled her close in the dark, kissing her lips.

 

“No, I'm just…what are you doing awake?”

 

“I'm thinking.” Emily said.

 

“Have you been asleep yet?” Hotch asked.

 

“I think so. Can you answer my question now that I've answered yours?”

 

“Repeat the question, baby.” He bit back a yawn.

 

“How much do we know about each other?”

 

“We know lots about each other. For example, I know maroon is your favorite color.  _How Soon is Now_ is your favorite song; _Mansfield_ _Park_ is your favorite book.”

 

“I'm talking about more than that, Aaron. I mean memories, fears, hopes, and dreams. I mean things that embarrass me or my most treasured possessions. I don’t just expect you to know these things about me; we have to talk about them. I want to know you as well.”

 

“We know a lot about each other, Emily.” Hotch said. “I don't know if I’d pass a pop quiz at this exact moment but I will surely try.”

 

“This is not about pop quizzes.” Emily’s tone was defensive.

 

“I certainly didn’t mean to trivialize it.”

 

When Emily sat up in bed and turned on the lamp, he knew sleep was a distant memory. It was alright, if she was bothered then he would do anything he could to fix it. Hotch was going to get it right this time. She sat Indian style in bed looking at him. Hotch managed a sleepy smile.

 

“Talk to me, baby.”

 

“I don't know,” Emily shrugged, reaching for his hand and squeezing it. “I just want to know you, I love you so much, I…”

 

“You want to know about me, I understand. We do know things about each other and I mean more than favorite songs. We know each other’s families and have shared things. We’re going to be married, we have 40 years to find out everything we want to know. Sure, we can stay up tonight and talk until the sun rises, or we can make everyday a new adventure where we learn something new. I’m looking forward to that, aren’t you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“That doesn’t sound so convincing.”

 

Hotch sat up in bed as well. He propped up his pillows and held out his arms. Emily straddled his lap, smiling as he kissed her forehead and then her face.

 

“My mother told me something when I was twelve. She sat down my sister and I and she said “never love a man but, do you hear me?” She said if you love him, you have to love all of him, even the dirty parts or the parts that make you cringe and if you can't do that then walk away. Don’t convince yourself you can make due or you will only have yourself to blame when it falls apart.”

 

“Elizabeth Prentiss, love guru.” Hotch muttered.

 

“She was right though.” Emily hid her grin. “So often we think we can change a man or compromise ourselves to fit into his parameters and it explodes in our faces. I don’t want to change you, Hotch, I love you.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

“I just want to make sure we love each other enough. We don’t have to do this you know; no one says we have to get married just because I'm pregnant.”

 

“We’re getting married because we want to spend the rest of our lives together and raise a family. Where are these doubts coming from, baby? Talk to me.”

 

Emily had tried and failed so many times, she finally gave up. OK, it wasn’t as if she had a million boyfriends but dating had always been difficult. Everything was difficult because she was so driven. When she finally looked up and was in her 30s and alone, she knew the journey to love and marriage might be impossible. Then this man came into her life. They met under the most suspicious of circumstances and their early relationship was contentious at best. 

 

When his wife walked out on him he came to her and that only confused her more. Why her? He had never given any indication to that point that he even liked her. Professional to a fault, Aaron Hotchner showed no signs of feeling anything at all for Emily Prentiss or anyone else for that matter. The rest happened so fast she was still running to catch up with it. 

 

Whiskey, kissing, talking, hoping, dating, making love, falling in love, pregnant, and soon to be married. That all happened in two and a half years. All of that through Unsubs, team loss, family issues, marriage, divorce, pain, near death…Emily was waiting for the director to yell cut and for Hotch to go back to his corner and forget she existed. She wanted to know if he felt the same way but hardly knew how to ask. She didn’t know the question and feared the answer.

 

“I just want my happiness, Hotch. I've wanted it for so long and it’s almost here and I'm afraid. I'm terrified that maybe it’s not going to be…that we won't work out. I watched my parents’ relationship crumble and I don’t want our child to have to go through that.”

 

“I don’t want to lose you.” Hotch took her face in his hands. “I sometimes fear I can't have it all; sometimes I don’t even know why you would love someone like me. But I am so blessed that you do. Every sacrifice I've made, every secret we keep, it’s worth it to me.”

 

“Would you choose me over the BAU?” Emily asked. She hated to but the time might come when that question had to be answered. Better to get it out of the way now.

 

“I hope it never comes to that. We’ve been very careful about how we conduct ourselves in public and the field. Professionalism first, always. Even people who know about this relationship could attest to that. But,” Hotch took a deep breath knowing the answer to this question was crucial, and not just to his getting any sleep tonight. “If I had to make a professional decision where we both kept our jobs, I would have to transfer you to another team. If we follow Rule #1 I don’t think we will ever come face to face with that issue.”

 

“I don’t plan to break it,” Emily replied, kissing him. “I promise.”

 

“Neither do I.”

 

He already had to some degree, and so had she, but it wasn’t so much that an outsider would notice a difference. He wanted to protect her after Matthew Benton died and she did protect him after Foyet attacked him but those were things teammates and friends did for each other. The BAU was a family, a close-knit, sometimes co-dependent family. Rule #1 could be bent but the dedication they had to their jobs and the Bureau would never allow them to break it. It didn’t make their relationship easier but it had been there from the beginning…woven into the fabric of Aaron and Emily as much as their love for each other.

 

“You probably think I'm crazy, don’t you?” she asked, laughing a bit as she leaned her forehead on Hotch’s shoulder. “Here I am waking you in the middle of the night to go completely off the rails. I'm sorry.”

 

“Don’t apologize. I want you to be sure about this. I want you to feel happy and secure.”

 

“Of course I'm sure. I'm sure I love you; I'm sure you make me happy. I'm sure that I'm utterly paranoid that I’ll be a bad wife and an insufficient mother.”

 

“You won't; you won't be either of those things. I know when Haley was pregnant with Jack I was petrified. I didn’t have the best paternal example and I didn’t think I knew how to be a father. Its something we learn over time and we’re going to do it together. If we make mistakes, I want to make mistakes together.” Hotch kissed her.

 

She smiled, closing her eyes and deepening the kiss. Hotch sighed and pulled her closer until her breasts pressed on his chest.

 

“Everyday will be an adventure?” Emily murmured between kisses.

 

“Oh yes. Let’s start tonight.”

 

“OK.” She lifted his tee shirt over his head, running her fingers over his chest. There were scars there. Scars that healed but told stories that were hard to swallow. “Tell me a story.”

 

“Once upon a time there was a sad, lonely man who met the most amazing woman. He was afraid to let her in, afraid to let himself love her, but she never gave up on him and eventually he stopped giving up on himself.”

 

“Does the story have a happy ending?” Emily moved back on the mattress, sliding under the covers. Hotch came with her. In her arms, he kissed her neck. She wrapped one leg around him.

 

“I’ll let you tell me.” He replied, reaching up to turn off the lamp.

 

***

                                                                                                                

  
 


End file.
